Dear My Twin - 04

Dear My Twin, 

I'm not the only person who has started radical deconstruction lately. I think the American church has been careening wildly towards this since 2016. Things sped up after the 2020 election, and the insurrection at the capitol on January 6, 2021. (Can you believe that was only slightly more than a year ago?) 

The pandemic has contributed too. The reactionary way the church has responded, the long amounts of time at home to just think, and yes, not gathering every Sunday to mitigate or quiet uneasy thoughts has led to a LARGE group of people who are questioning and deconstructing evangelical christianity. 

At this point, I'd say it's about time. 

There are many voices in the evangelical church who are condemning the deconstruction movement. Saying "People just want to sin!" "They don't believe the Bible!" "They're just upset that someone hurt them!" (Note: not the church hurt them; not the system of church worship and theology we follow hurt them; just some random person who clearly wasn't REALLY a christian hurt them. It's a way to distance themselves from responsibility.)

I can speak for myself, and I can quote every deconstructing person I know, THIS IS NOT TRUE. 

What is causing this is a gut-wrenching, eye-opening realization in the light of the past years, that American christianity looks nothing like the Jesus of the Bible. 

It's BECAUSE OF a desire to follow the greatest commands of Scripture "Love God with all your heart and mind, and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself," that started many people on this road. It is BECAUSE OF not one person hurting them, not two people hurting them, but the realization that the system of American evangelical beliefs is actively harming hundreds of thousands of people, women, children, people of color, the LGBTQ+ community. It is seeing that the evangelical church as a whole, has a theology that attracts and protects abusers, blames and silences victims, in direct opposition to the Biblical themes of justice, of protecting the oppressed, and destroying the oppressor that people are leaving. 

One of the dismissive reasons that makes me so sad, is when Christians dismiss deconstruction or people leaving the faith as "Well, they weren't really Christians anyway." 

What. A. Blind. Statement. 

Yes, there are many that have left Christianity all together - frankly, I can't blame them, when they God they were taught is "all-loving" is taught and experienced as incredibly abusive -but so many haven't. Those of us deconstructing are not the causal, social Christian. We were worship leaders, pastors, youth group leaders. We went to the conferences; we prayed; we studied the Bible; we have earnestly sought God and Christ above all. 

I believe it is Christ that has led us here. We have not fallen away. We have drawn near. 

The cost of deconstruction is HUGE. The emotional turmoil is constantly present. It is so heavy, and weary, and there is the constant knowledge that "if people knew..." You'd be cut off and ostracized. Many of us have experienced that. We've lost friends, community, beloved churches that held our lives from cradle to adulthood. We've lost life-long dreams of serving in churches we grew up in. And we're constantly under threat of losing more, if they only knew. 

I left  community that meant a LOT to me. Oddly, it was over such a minor belief: spanking a child. I shared that Jordan and I have decided not to spank our children (if we ever get to have any). When someone pointed out this was "wrong," because "THE BIBLE SAYS..." I pointed out that we constantly interpret what the Bible means. We constantly decide what verses are most important to us, and which are more "metaphorical." 

For example, evangelical christianity is really fixated on enforcing "modesty" (at least for the women), based on a Bible verse from Paul, but nobody really follows through with what Jesus said about men's lust, which involved gouging out your eyes. 

I guess it's easier to police and shame women for what they wear. 

At least for the men. 

I think the reason evangelicalism is so quick to dismiss the deconstructing community is because it is PAINFUL to realize there may be legitimacy to their claims. That there are SHIT TONS of garbage the evangelical church is responsible for, and must repent of. 

That's an uncomfortable thought. 

Sadly, one of the core teachings of evangelicalism, is to ignore your feelings. Feelings, they teach, are evil. They are deceitful. Despite the frequent quotation of "The heart is deceitful above all things," this  is not what the Bible teaches at all. (It's also a flagrant misuse of that scripture, which isn't referencing emotions AT ALL.)

And when we teach that we need to ignore our feelings, we never grow the skills to cope with HAVING uncomfortable feelings. We get really good at suppressing and ignoring them, but not addressing and coping with them. 

Naturally, then, any idea that the deconstruction movement could have anything of value to say, must be immediately dismissed. The alternative, is too painful to consider. Clearly, these people don't have legitimate complaints. They probably just all want permission to sin. To sleep with who they want to. 

So if you start to question things, you must be in sin too.