Dear My Twin - 02

 Dear My Twin,

   After the the weird evangelical dichotomy of a "loving" God who does terribly abusive things, the horrible, abusive misogyny is what drove me to question things. 

The misogyny in the church is ... it's overwhelming. At the extreme ends, women are not only barred from any type of leadership position, their married lives make them less than human, simultaneously removing all power from them by order of "submission," diminishing the Imagi Deo in them by defining them as "help meet" alone, removing them as co-heirs, inheritors, children of God, humans made in the image of God, and while they are powerless in marriage to even speak up (as that would be disrespecting their husband's position as the mini-Christ in the home), they are simultaneously blamed for everything that goes wrong in the marriage, even in extreme abuse, sexual, physical and marital affairs. She either wasn't being submissive enough, or not giving enough sex. 

While these views are on the extreme end of things, the roots of these beliefs are mainstream. The extremists are just carrying these things out to the logical end. 

When I started studying abuse in 2020, I ended up going down a rabbit hole - as many other deconstructing evangelicals are - about the treatment of women in Christian marriage, and how many of the teachings are actively destructive to women and marriage. 

Ironic, isn't it? The church that harps so much about the "sanctity of marriage" having teaching that actively destroy it. 

Did you know that being in an evangelical marriage is a red flag for abuse? How. Sick. Is. That. 

The two most toxic teaching seem to be (1) Submission = silence. Men are supposed to be in charge, and women are supposed to submit. So when it comes to decision making, men have the "tie-breaker" vote. Or in some families, the only vote. According to the Gottman institute, this practice makes divorce 8 times more likely. Because it silences one partner, and gives all the power to the other. 

Power, of course, corrupts. 

I do not believe that power or hierarchy has ANY place in a marriage. (Frankly, I don't think power and hierarchy have any place ANYWHERE, and that it's an inherently dangerous and harmful system, BUT I DIGRESS!) 

I don't see power and hierarchy in marriage TAUGHT in the Bible - honestly, there's not that much said about marriage in the Bible. But boy do we get our money out of those few verses. And sermons. And book deals. And cheesy Christian movies. 

And we reap what we sow. Painful marriages, abusive marriages, marriages that are abjectly miserable, but considered the norm. 

Women exploited for sex. Marital rape. Institutions filled with sexual scandal and abuse. 

Because there is a core lie at the root of these teachings that MEN ARE GODS!!! Women are useful objects. 

We reap what we sow. 

I moved away from many of these teachings a long time ago. But I always kept quiet about it, and secretly questioned if I was moving into apostasy or heresy. Now I believe the apostates and heretics are on the other side. 

I believe the righteousness and compassionate Father-heart of God is enraged on behalf of the "daughters of Eve" who have been oppressed, victimized, abused, and will judge the false teachers accordingly. 

I'll talk more about this tomorrow. (Or maybe something else. We'll see!)

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