Dear My Twin 13

 Dear My Twin,

This is going to be a hard one, because this is one of my beliefs that has changed that is most controversial. 

This is about LGBTQ+ people. 

I hadn't intended to write about this for a long while yet, partly because I'm afraid. I know that believing its okay for people to be LGBTQ+ is "wrong" in evangelical culture. It's one of The Unforgiveable Sins. Even though it is not mentioned in the creeds, or any of the verses we look to for "how to be saved." Those all affirm that it's Christ alone who saves, but there is absolutely an addendum in evangelicalism of "And also remember that being LGBTQ+ is a sin." 

Even if you aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community, simply believing that it's not a sin - or even that someone could be LGBTQ+ affirming, and still a Christian, is unthinkable. Because it's "wrong," it's "clearly a sin," etc. etc. 

You know the arguments. I know the arguments. We grew up hearing them over and over. We grew up reciting them. 

For a long time, I held out on being fully affirming. I believed people could be affirming, or even "practicing" LGBTQ+ and a Christian, but I always held very firmly in my mind, that I needed to remember, they were still sinning, and this was wrong. 

It was a constant tension for me, as I have so many family and friends that are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and have for years. 

Incidentally, I have a LOT of friends that are "sinning," in one way or another, and I never held that space in my mind of REMEMBER, THEY'RE SINNING! REMEMBER YOU CAN'T REALLY TRUST THEIR WISDOM BECAUSE THEY'RE SINNING! REMEMBER THEY ARE BLINDED BECAUSE OF THEIR SIN!

Then, stories of heterosexual sin in the church began to ERUPT. Bill Hybels of Willow Creek, Ravi Zacharias the prominent "Apologist," the Southern Baptist convention letter of the women, with hundreds of signatures, begging for the sexual abuse in the church to be addressed and stopped (the letter was ignored by the all-male leadership), and even just recently, Hillsong has been in the news for a second time, as well as Christianity today for sexual misconduct, harrassment, and abuse. 

But nobody questions if these people were really Christians. 

In fact, until the stories broke - and even after - the church moved to protect the abusers, and accused the women of lying. 

Despite the egregious abuse of these prominent leaders, what mattered was they were "men of God" who had "done so much good," and "expanded the kingdom." The abused and exploited bodies of the women didn't matter. These guys were still "good Christian guys," and we needed to "forgive them," because "we've all sinned," and "there but for the grace of God go I." 

Their sexual sin didn't matter. It didn't impact their status, their ministry, call their Christianity into question, no the church moved to protect them, and ignore their victims. 

Because it was heterosexual sin. 

I remember hearing often about how "sexual sin is the worst kind of sin." (I guess so much for the "all sin is equal argument.") But what is really meant by that is "sexual sin is the worst kind of sin (for women and LGBTQ+). 

Examine Christian literature about sex, and think about it. 

Who presented as RESPONSIBLE for men's sexual sin?

Women.

How we dress; how we move; how we talk - all of these things entice a man to lust, and then sin, he can't really help himself, because He's A Man.

One of our best-selling Christian books IN THE TITLE says "Every Man's Battle" and it's talking about LUST! 

In all our purity culture talks growing up, who was responsible for not "leading the boy on" and making sure "things didn't go too far?" US WOMEN!

Who has to go through gyrations and a whole dance party in fitting rooms to make sure that the clothes they are buying won't slip, slide or move to even hint at a bra strap, an underwear line, shadows in direct sunlight, because all that will LEAD THE MEN TO LUST? 

Us women. 

Men are not held responsible for their sexual sin, it has been placed firmly on the backs of their victims to bear. 

Because men "just are visual beings" and "can't help themselves." 

So much for every person being responsible for their own sin. 

So much for the fruit of the spirit being "self control."

So much for Jesus saying ABOUT LUST "if your eye causes you to sin, GOUGE IT OUT."

And before someone says "Well, that's a metaphor," in that same paragraph, Jesus also talks about divorce not being okay except for sexual sin, and we take that literally. 

Isn't it interesting, that men can't be held responsible for their heterosexual lust and sexual sin, because they were just "made that way" because "they're men," but when it comes to any of the LGBTQ+ community saying they were "made that way," we refuse to even listen to their story, but put our Bibles over our ears, and scream "IT'S A SIN, IT'S A SIN, IT'S A SIN" at the top of our lungs, instead of grappling with our discomfort that our experience is not the sum total of the world's experience, and our interpretation of Scripture is NOT the only intentional, scholarly, and honoring way to interpret it. 

So. 

Back to all the abuses. 

In addition to all the sexual abuse, there were other kinds of abuse by prominent leaders that had been covered up, hushed up, and downplayed, and the abusers excused, protected, and called "good Christians," despite the "bodies under the bus."

That's a quote from Mark Driscoll, a notorious abuser, who HAS A FLOURISHING MINISTRY STILL. He said there was a trail of bodies under the Mars Hill bus, and he didn't care as long as they kept moving the church forward.

Jesus cares about those bodies. 

Jesus DIED for those bodies. 

There's also the horrific sexual abuse in my own family. My mother molesting my sibling around two hundred times,  and my family knew, and did nothing. My mother still working in "ministry" the whole time. My mother STILL being allowed around children. My mother still believing that she was right in her actions; my mother still being a Christian, and believing that she's saved. 

How do I cope with THAT dichotomy? 

And it came down to this worm of a belief that lives at the heart of evangelicalism:

What saves you, is your belief in the right things. 

If you believe the wrong things, you aren't really saved. 

Or at the very least, you're not saved enough. When you really get close to God when you really read your Bible, then you will learn to believe the RIGHT things. 

I simply can't accept that, because I believe, with my whole heart, that my salvation - that EVERYONE'S salvation, is dependent on Christ alone. 

So, I don't get to say who is saved and who is not. 

Even when the fruits of their life are MEASURABLY harmful. Because it's not about them, it's not about "sin," it's not about "obedience" ...

It's just about Jesus. 

And when I accepted that, I was able to let go of the need to hold in the front of my mind at all times "LGBTQ+ PEOPLE ARE ALL SINNERS!!!!!"

They're just people. 

I was able to listen to their stories. I was able to start really, really hearing what they were saying. 

I learned there is a lot of intense, honoring Biblical scholarship that argues effectively that the Bible does not actually condemn same-sex attraction. 

I already knew that gender is not the same as sex, and that the Bible CERTAINLY does not address trans or non-binary folks. The two verses that are constantly referenced and applied to condemn trans and non-binary folk, are about not wearing opposite people's clothing, (so if you're a man with female genitals, you're not breaking it), and descriptive of the creation account. 

The other thing I had to grapple with was intersex people. Up to 2% of people are intersex. That's. A lot of people. Are they both male and female? Did God make a mistake while creating them in the womb? Does God MAKE mistakes? What about disabled people, did God make a mistake when He made them?

But what really clinched things for me, was seeing the death and destruction caused by the church's attitude toward LGBTQ+ people. 

Did you know, that if you are really plugged in and connected to your church as a young person, your chances of suicide DECREASE by 3 times?

Unless you're LGBTQ+. Then your chances to commit suicide INCREASE 3 times. 

I remember Shannon proudly proclaiming that the PROOF that being trans was a mental disorder, and not of God, was because the chances of suicide increase dramatically if you're trans. 

But, the thing is, if your family and friends are affirming, if you can dress in your preferred clothes, be called by your preferred name and pronouns, that risk of suicide, PLUMMETS by three hundred percent (3 times).

The way the church is doing things, brings DEATH. 

God is a God of LIFE, not DEATH. 

Sin is what brings about death; in this case, the sin of arrogant pride, homophobia, callous and unloving hearts. 

I can no longer pretend that being born with same sex attraction, that being born in a body that doesn't match up to the girl/boy binary is something to be shoved blindly into a "THAT'S SIN" category. God doesn't make mistakes. But boy, we do. 

And the thing is: 

Yes, I could be wrong. ALL MY TRAINING AND TEACHING IS SCREAMING AT ME "YOU'RE WRONG!!!!!"

But it doesn't matter if I am wrong. 

Because my righteousness, my salvation, does not depend on my being right; it depends on Christ. 

And while I may be wrong, I also know I'm not contributing to the death of trans people of LGBTQ+ people. 

I'm being their friend. 

I'm loving them well. 

And as far as obedience goes, "loving others" is the 2nd greatest commandment. I think that trumps having to remind myself every five minutes THIS IS SINNNNNN.

<3