Dear My Twin - 09

 Dear my Twin, 

Let's talk about "prosperity gospel." This is something that evangelicals purport to despise, especially in the guise of Joel Osteen. But it's also something they unknowingly preach and practice in subtle ways. 

People speak of blessings with "because they're trying to follow God!" or "see how God has blessed me for the sacrifices I've made!" 

But this is clearly turning a relationship with God into a tit for tat exchange. I do this for God, I get "the desires of my heart" in exchange. 

I sacrifice XYZ for God, He pays me back ten fold. 

I tithe and give money away, and God will repay me. 

Which is a gross reason to be generous. 

This was illustrated to me clearly the other day. I mentioned in passing how Jordan and I had sent some money to a friend who was struggling, and Mom said, "Well that's the way to get the Lord to bless you, give when it hurts!"

That statement was repugnant to me. It cheapened the entire exchange with our friend into "I'm going to use you to get God to give me what I want." 

Instead of being motivated from love, and being willing to make sacrifices on their behalf because we love them, we are motivated from self-preservation and self-gain. 

Just ew. 

Since EC (evangelical Christians - I can't keep typing it out, lol!) preach so strongly against prosperity gospel, it was really hard for me to see it. 

It was thrown into sharp relief for me when Shannon had a baby I'm still part of the church prayer chain, and I got forwarded the email sent from her mom. I've long since deleted it, but the words are seared on my soul like a brand: 

"Thank God for a healthy delivery of the baby! Shannon ... has been blessed because they're so faithfully following and serving God."

I wanted to throw up. I still want to throw up when I think of it. 

Being one of several people that had been horrifically treated by Shannon in pursuit of her husband, (and he also horrifically harmed people) hearing the platitude "faithfully following and serving God" while knowing the ugly background? If that is faithful service to God, that is not a loving God, but a cruel being who delights in wickedness. 

This email was combined into a painful one-two punch, because Jordan and I were and are still struggling with infertility. 

The clear message is: To get a baby, do good - or least be good at appearing to do good; if you don't have a baby, it's because God doesn't approve of you. 

I almost lost my faith over that. 

Laura has been a mentor and mother to me for years, so her words carried extra weight for me. 

I had to wrestle with God. 

What are blessings? Does our behavior earn us special blessings from God? Does our behavior bar us from certain blessings? 

"Every good gift comes from the Father above ... who does not change." James 1:17

"He makes it to rain on the just and the unjust" Matthew 5:45

"Blessed be the Lord who daily loadeth us with benefits." Psalm 68:19 (This verse is best in the KJV, because you get to say loadeth.)

I wrestled with this for a long time. Finally the conclusion I reached:

We vastly underestimate the love of God for His children. 

He blesses us, regardless. 

He blesses us, because of His character, not ours. 

He blesses us, because it is His nature to give, and give, and give without ceasing, without thought of return, joyfully and delighting in giving us good. 

We are so quick to think in terms of tit for tat, which leads to a relationship of fear with God. Watch out! You could lose God's blessing! You could lose God's favor!

What a capricious asshole we paint when we think of God in those terms. 

God loves us in a way that we cannot love ourselves or each other. Unmerited favor. God's love is the same for me on the days I do "everything right" (we know the EC list: read your Bible, pray daily, tithe, etc.), and the days where I am a "slothful" and can't do anything. 

His love for us is not based on anything we do at all. It just is. 

I find that comforting. 

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